Parshas Shelach - Grasshoppers or Giants?
Parshas Shelach contains the infamous story of the meraglim, the twelve spies who were sent to scout out the land in preparation for Bnei Yisrael’s planned immediate entry. Catastrophically, ten of the spies returned with negative feedback about Eretz Yisrael. The spies used a fascinating phrase in their report describing the overwhelming strength of the inhabitants of Canaan.
וַנְּהִ֤י בְעֵינֵ֨ינוּ֙ כַּֽחֲגָבִ֔ים וְכֵ֥ן הָיִ֖ינוּ בְּעֵינֵיהֶֽם
We were in our own eyes like grasshoppers, and so we were also in their eyes.
First they said that they viewed themselves as tiny and insignificant like grasshoppers, and only afterwards do they add that others also perceived them that way. The message is profound. Contrary to what many think, we aren’t defined or limited by others’ perceptions. Our own self-image has much greater power than anyone else’s views. Without consciously doing so, we broadcast our self-description to the world, and ultimately others end up seeing us as we do.
There is an important caveat though that all mothers must know. While it is true that healthy adults project self-image from the inside out, our children’s self-image is very much shaped by how they think we perceive them. Every parent has a tremendous influence on their child’s self-image. Through the reflections of our eyes, they learn that they are kind, creative, beautiful, resourceful, inquisitive, or not. Sometimes the messages parents send are explicit, and sometimes they’re so subtle that we’re not even aware we’re broadcasting them. We have the responsibility and privilege to recognize our childrens’ positive intentions and good qualities so that they will learn to recognize them too.
When we see our children as tenacious (instead of stubborn), persuasive (instead of argumentative), stimulating (but not challenging), creative (not messy), we’re giving them a perspective which will impact their own self-image. Every incident has its positive angle and every character trait has a strength. It’s up to us to view our kids the way we want them to perceive themselves.
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