Toldos - Don't Abandon Hope!
I’d like to share with you an amazing insight from Rabbi Myer Schwab of Bais Yaakov Denver. After Avraham Avinu died, Yaakov prepared lentil stew for his father, Yitzchak. We all know the story: וַיָּ֥זֶד יַעֲקֹ֖ב נָזִ֑יד וַיָּבֹ֥א עֵשָׂ֛ו מִן־הַשָּׂדֶ֖ה וְה֥וּא עָיֵֽף׃ Yaakov was cooking a stew, Esav came in from the field, exhausted. Eisav demanded some of the stew, so Yaakov asked him to sell his birthright, the special responsibilities that a firstborn had in the service of Hashem. Eisav declared he’s at the point of death anyway and has no use for the bechorah and so the exchange was made. Finally, the Torah tells us: וְיַעֲקֹ֞ב נָתַ֣ן לְעֵשָׂ֗ו לֶ֚חֶם וּנְזִ֣יד עֲדָשִׁ֔ים וַיֹּ֣אכַל וַיֵּ֔שְׁתְּ וַיָּ֖קָם וַיֵּלַ֑ךְ וַיִּ֥בֶז עֵשָׂ֖ו אֶת־הַבְּכֹרָה Yaakov then gave Esav bread and lentil stew; he ate and drank, and he rose and went away. Thus Esav scorned the birthright. Chazal learn from the word “Ayeif”, exhausted, that he was “ayeif min ha’aveiros” exhausted from sinning. They tell us that the first four actions of Eisav, Vayochal, Vayeisht, Vayakam, and Vayeilech, allude to four major sins Eisav did on that day - adultery, murder, denying the existence of Hashem, and denying techiyas hameisim. Yet the only sin explicitly described in this passuk is the 5th, “וַיִּ֥בֶז עֵשָׂ֖ו אֶת־הַבְּכֹרָה” ‘And Eisav scorned the birthright’. If Eisav committed four other horrific sins, why does the Torah not mention them? If the Torah only tells us about scorning the birthright, the implication is that this is the worst of them all, the only one that bears mentioning! How can the Torah equate scorning the birthright with four of the most serious transgressions? The answer comes from Rabbi Schwab’s father, Rav Shimon Schwab, and it is incredibly relevant to parents today. He said that as long as there is a chance of a person doing teshuvah, then even his most serious sins can potentially disappear. When there is a possibility of repentance, sins aren’t the end of the world. But as soon as a person loses his sense of self-worth, his self-respect, the potential for him to turn his life around dissipates. Teshuvah comes from a feeling of “I can still get this right. I can reconnect to Hashem. I have the potential for a different life.” But someone who thinks of himself as nothing, someone who loses all sense of self-respect, is unlikely to turn his life around. And so, the worst moment in this terrible day for Eisav is when he gave up his birthright, the special privilege innate in being a firstborn who could serve Hashem uniquely. Rejecting the birthright was Eisav rejecting any future connection to spirituality. Once he scorned the birthright he reached his point of no return. The Kotzker Rebbe famously said, “Worse than the sin itself is the despair that follows the sin.” The only aveira the Torah needed to tell us about is Eisav’s rejection of his potential. That was the death knell for his spirituality. This lesson is incredibly important for us. Children and teenagers can be very quick to believe that if they have done something wrong, they’re doomed. Sometimes teachers give a message that certain behaviors impact a person irrevocably and the child believes he’s sinned to the point of no return. Unfortunately, a kid who feels shame to this level is rarely going to tell his parents about it, so we may never find out directly. We need to tell our children, “neshama shenasata bi tehora hi”, we are each given a pure neshama. We always have a connection to Hashem. A Jew who has sinned is still a Jew. It is never too late and we are never too far gone. We need to explicitly tell our kids that they can tell us anything and we will be okay listening. There is nothing they can do that can diminish our love for them and there is nothing they can do that will weaken Hashem’s love for them. As long as they know they have inherent goodness, inherent spirituality, inherent potential, there is hope and a path towards the future.
0 comments