• November 24, 2021
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וַיָּבֵ֥א יוֹסֵ֛ף אֶת־דִּבָּתָ֥ם רָעָ֖ה אֶל־אֲבִיהֶֽם׃ And Yosef brought bad reports about his brothers to their father. Rashi explains this as you would expect - Yosef spoke badly about his brothers to his fathers. However, the Rav MiVorka has a unique approach. His premise is that Yosef HaTzadik couldn’t have actually spoken badly about his brothers – that doesn’t fit with his greatness. Instead, he suggests a novel idea. Through Yosef being a Tzaddik and through his inherent greatness, his brothers showed up as comparatively less impressive to their father. When a parent has multiple children and one of them is outstandingly excellent or mature, it can lead the parents to subconsciously judge their other children by the standard of the exceptional child and to be critical of them for not being equal to their outstanding sibling. This, he says, is what the Passuk means that Yosef brought bad reports of his brothers. By being who he was, Yosef HaTzadik, he caused his father to be more critical of the other shevatim. Yosef’s fault here, according to the Rav MiVorka, is that Yosef should have hidden his unusual qualities, and exhibited more tznius to the point that even his father wouldn’t have specially noticed him. It’s an unusual interpretation, but I think it's relevant as an insight into human nature. Have you ever seen a child who physically looks much more mature than his or her peers? Some of my friends have children who look 2-3 years older than they are, and one of the challenges they face is that teachers and other adults expect more maturity from them than from their peers. Intellectually, I’m sure those teachers recognize that the big, tall girl is still only three and should be treated like a three-year-old, but despite that knowledge, they may still be more critical of that child for acting like a three-year-old! That is a reality and I think we are all affected by it. In today’s society, we are driven by data and measurement. It’s inevitable that our children will be compared to the others around them instead of being evaluated solely on where they are on their own life’s curve. Sometimes we do it, sometimes we allow others to do it, and sometimes it’s important or inevitable. It’s human nature! However, we can rise above human nature, and we can work on being aware that each child is a world in and of themselves. Just because one of our children reached a milestone, whether it’s physical, emotional, or academic early, doesn’t mean our other children are delayed. Just because one child is an eager helper doesn’t mean the others should help more. Each one is unique and as parents we need to look at each child alone and individually, evaluating where they are relative to their potential, no one else’s.