• December 09, 2021
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The series of Parshiyos that we are in is in large part the story of two great leaders, Yosef and Yehudah. In Vayeishev when Yosef was sold, Yehudah began a downward spiral - he lost his natural role as leader of the brothers. However, in Mikeitz, Yehudah stepped back into it, and in Parshas Vayigash he fully reclaimed his role as leader. What happened? You’ll remember that Yosef insisted the brothers bring Binyamin down to Egypt despite Yaakov’s extreme opposition. In Mikeitz, Yehudah guaranteed Binyamin’s safe return and Yaakov finally let him go. The problem is that Yosef’s silver goblet was found in Binyamin’s bag and Yosef subsequently demanded Binyamin remain as his servant for life. Last week’s Parsha ended with Yehudah submissively agreeing that the brothers will all remain as slaves. However in Vayigash there is a switch in tone. All of a sudden, Yehudah isn’t subservient, he isn’t pleading. He exudes strength and power. He speaks with authority and ultimately forces Yosef to reveal himself. Why the switch? What happened to Yehudah that he went from weakly pleading for mercy to, (as Chazal tell us), threatening the ruler of Egypt? I want to share an answer I learned from Rabbi Myer Schwab of Denver in the name of Rav Yosef Leib Bloch, the Rosh Yeshiva of Telze. He said that the transition occurred in a moment in the beginning of Vayigash, when Yehudah suddenly remembered something. He recalled that he had made a promise to his father guaranteeing Binyamin’s safe return. At the moment he remembered his responsibility, at the moment he assumed responsibility, he found new strength, he tapped into hidden resources and refused to accept no for an answer. Rav Bloch said that when one is working on one's own behalf, it is possible to give up, but when one is responsible for others, not only can they never give up, but they gain access to hidden reservoirs of strength that allows them to accomplish extraordinary feats. What we can’t do for ourselves, we can and do accomplish for others. This is part and parcel of motherhood. Who, before children, ever thought that they could function with disrupted and minimal sleep for years? Maybe we couldn’t have done it before children, for ourselves, but once it was for children we were responsible for, we were able to do it. Motherhood pushes us outside of our comfort zone over and over again, but more importantly, it fundamentally changes what we are capable of. To the extent that we take responsibility for our children, we have the strength and wherewithal to execute that responsibility. This is an important point for us because the act of giving birth doesn’t automatically generate a sense of equivalent responsibility among all mothers. Just because human beings are responsible, doesn’t mean we all realize our responsibility or assume it to the full extent. Yehudah had the responsibility of leadership way before Parshas Vayigash, but it took him years until the moment he finally stood before Yosef to fully assume his responsibility. Only once he fully recognized he was the guarantor for Binyamin, was he able to tap into his full power and strength to confront Yosef. We all choose how much of our responsibilities we accept. Sometimes it seems easier to ignore them or assume someone else will take care of things. Parshas Vayigash comes to remind us that ultimately, we have responsibility. If we acknowledge and own them, we also will get hidden resources, strength, and Heavenly Help to fulfill them. We have responsibility for our children, and that responsibility enables us to be able to care for them far beyond what anyone else can do. No one else is intrinsically responsible for them, so no one else is given the power and assistance to care for them, but you and I are. The more we accept upon ourselves our responsibilities, the more assistance we have in executing them. This is such a profound lesson for us! We are all busy and can be distracted. It is easy for all of us to briefly notice a need in our child, but we don’t always actually internalize it as our responsibility. Maybe we hope it will go away if we ignore it, maybe we just don’t look too closely since so many other things are pulling on us. Parshas Vayigash is here to encourage us to assume our responsibilities. As soon as we take the yoke upon ourselves, Hashem helps us with resources and strength, and with Hashem’s help, we’ll be able to do greater things than we ever imagined. If you’ve been following Toras Imecha for a while, you know how many Divrei Torah I share from Rabbi and Mrs. Schwab of Denver, Colorado. So much of what I learned from them was about the centrality of the Jewish woman in her home and family and it is the foundation of much that I share with you. I’m mentioning this because I am being recognized at their upcoming dinner next month. I want to let you know that if you would like to join me in expressing hakaras hatov to them, you have the opportunity to do so in the journal they are putting out for their 54th anniversary parlor meeting. Here is a link if you would like to do so: https://www.bjhs.org/parlor-meeting-reservation/. Thank you and have a great day!