Vayigash - Not Responsible!
The Torah can’t be reduced to soundbites. Torah is complete and whole, and describes the totality of human reality. That is why we can have seemingly conflicting ideas - each idea is a part, a chelek, (root word of machlokes!), of the whole, but we need all of the parts to get a full picture. Today we’re going to look at what seems to be the opposite of yesterday’s idea! Yesterday we spoke about Yehudah accepting responsibility for Binyamin and how he effected change through that responsibility. Today let’s look at the flip side. For it is true that though we must take actions for things for which we are responsible, the outcome of those actions is completely out of our hands and we don’t have responsibility for results. Parshas Vayigash is the climax of the Yosef story. Yosef dramatically revealed himself to his brothers and was reunited with his family. Back when the brothers plotted to eliminate Yosef, they had said: וְעַתָּ֣ה ׀ לְכ֣וּ וְנַֽהַרְגֵ֗הוּ וְנַשְׁלִכֵ֙הוּ֙ בְּאַחַ֣ד הַבֹּר֔וֹת וְאָמַ֕רְנוּ חַיָּ֥ה רָעָ֖ה אֲכָלָ֑תְהוּ וְנִרְאֶ֕ה מַה־יִּהְי֖וּ חֲלֹמֹתָֽיו׃ Come now, let us kill him and throw him into one of the pits; and we can say, ‘A savage beast devoured him.’ We shall see what comes of his dream Rashi brings a medrash: הֵם אוֹמְרִים נַהַרְגֵהוּ וְהַכָּתוּב מְסַיֵּם וְנִרְאֶה מַה יִּהְיוּ חֲלֹמֹתָיו – נִרְאֶה דְּבַר מִי יָקוּם אִם שֶׁלָּכֶם אוֹ שֶׁלִּי. They say “let us slay him”, and the Torah breaks in upon their words concluding them by saying, “and we shall see what will become of his dreams”: we shall see whose words will be fulfilled — yours or mine. The brothers had their plan. They thought they were responsible to take action and they did. But the outcome was very different from their plan, because, nothing, absolutely nothing can overpower the Divine plan. In Mishlei, Shlomo HaMelech says, אֵ֣ין חׇ֭כְמָה וְאֵ֣ין תְּבוּנָ֑ה וְאֵ֥ין עֵ֝צָ֗ה לְנֶ֣גֶד ה'׃ Neither wisdom nor understanding nor counsel can prevail against Hashem. We have the responsibility to use our wisdom, understanding, and counsel to act. But not even our best efforts will subvert Hashem’s plan. This is the theme that Yosef stresses over and over in Parshas Vayigash: וְעַתָּ֗ה לֹֽא־אַתֶּ֞ם שְׁלַחְתֶּ֤ם אֹתִי֙ הֵ֔נָּה כִּ֖י הָאֱלֹקים You didn’t send me here, it was Hashem. אַֽל־תִּרְגְּז֖וּ בַּדָּֽרֶךְ Don’t be sad, don’t be angry at each other. Hashem had a plan and that’s how I ended up here. As mothers, we hold both these seemingly conflicting ideas close. Mothers are supremely important. There is no one in the world who can be to a child what their mother is, and each moment is precious and valuable. Yet, we also know that we are nothing more than Hashem’s instruments in raising our children. We try hard to do the right thing, have the right conversations, serve the right food, set up the right schedule, build for our children the environments in which they can flourish best, but at the end of the day we know that the outcome isn’t in our hands. Hashem’s plan, and Hashem’s plan only will raise our children to adulthood. The path that Hashem has set for each child, can’t be subverted by anyone else. It sounds like a difficult dichotomy, but so much of living life as a Torah Jew involves holding two opposing realities and knowing they both are true. “Lo alecha hamelacha ligmor…” We don’t have the responsibility or ability to control how our children grow and develop, but we still have the obligation to stick with it, day after day, doing our best, and letting go of the outcome. The more we adopt Yosef’s attitude as our own, the easier it is for us to ride through the inevitable challenges and setbacks of life with our children. “Vayishlacheini Elokim Lifneichem” Yosef said, “Hashem sent me before you to give you sustenance and a future.” You thought you had harmed me, in fact Hashem made the opposite happen. Because we are responsible to do our best day by day, but we also know that dvar Hashem yakum l’olam, it is Hashem’s word that controls and creates reality. That is the duality we each live with, in our own lives and for our children.
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