• December 28, 2021
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In this Parsha we encounter the age old question concerning free will. How could Hashem punish Pharoah with further makkos when Hashem hardened his heart? How could Pharoah be punished when Hashem made him keep sinning? This is a classic question with significant answers. Let's consider the Rambam's approach and its ramifications for us as mothers. The Rambam says that Pharaoh certainly had free will in the beginning of the story. In fact, during the first 5 makkos the Torah doesn’t say Hashem hardened Pharaoh's heart. At those times Pharaoh hardened his own heart. It was only after he recommitted himself to his stubbornness multiple times that he degenerated far enough for Hashem to take over and harden his heart. Pharaoh began with free will, but through his own actions he evolved into someone who lost his power of choice. How is this relevant to us? On a much smaller scale, we all have actions we take, sometimes willingly, sometimes not, that lead us into situations where we have less control over our actions. For example, after sleepless nights or after skipping meals we may not have the wherewithal to respond to tough situations the way we would ideally choose. If that is how adults feel, how much closer are our children to that state of no free will. Occasionally, when I go to the store late at night I see parents dragging a screaming toddler up and down the aisles. That child truly has no control over her behavior at that time. It’s simply too late and she’s too tired. She’s lost her free will. With some thought we can identify for each of our children the factors that contribute to them losing their free will. It isn't the same for each person, and certainly some children get to that point of loss of control much more easily than others. Once we’ve identified what stressors contribute to our children reaching the point of no self-control, we can try to limit those and when they’re unavoidable, build in additional ways for our children to rest, or recoup as early as possible. One important point to remember: when a child has lost control, we cannot reason with them. Consequences or punishments will often have no effect, and no effective parenting can take place at that time. What parents can do is provide stability, unwavering love, support, and calmness, while we try to give them time and space to get back in control of themselves. Afterwards, parents can address the situation from a position of calmness and self-control. As we learn from Pharaoh, the first step to making good decisions is retaining free will!